Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) in the LGBTQ+ Community

Understanding Intimate Partner Violence in LGBTQ+ Relationships

What is Intimate Partner Violence?

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is a repeated pattern of abusive behaviors that are used to gain or maintain power and control over a person or the relationship.

How is the LGBTQ+ community affected?

Because of the complex intersections within LGBTQ+ identities, community members often confront harmful stereotypes and systemic exclusion. The absence of equal rights, support systems, and social advantages compared to their heterosexual counterparts can increase the risk of experiencing intimate partner violence (IPV). These vulnerabilities are sometimes manipulated by abusers, who use prevailing social and economic stigmas as a means of control. Intimate partner violence (IPV) within LGBTQ+ relationships is both underrecognized and underreported, yet it remains profoundly damaging. While the power dynamics may resemble those found in heterosexual relationships, LGBTQ+ partnerships often involve unique forms of abuse shaped by the distinct challenges and vulnerabilities faced by the community. In these relationships, psychological and emotional abuse are more common than physical violence.

What does IPV Look Like in the LGBTQ+ Community?

Developed by Roe and Jagodinsky, the LGBTQ+ Power and Control Wheel is an adaptation of the original Power & Control and Equity Wheels created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project. This tool illustrates how abusers may exert control or isolate their partners in LGBTQ+ relationships. By expanding on the classic model used to understand domestic abuse, it incorporates additional tactics that exploit the specific vulnerabilities faced by LGBTQ+ individuals.

Let’s break down what each component means:

Coercion involves pressuring someone to comply through force or intimidation, while threats are used to instill fear and enforce obedience. In LGBTQ+ relationships, abusers might threaten to “out” their partner—revealing their sexual orientation or gender identity—to family, friends, employers, or community members. This is especially powerful given the real risks of discrimination, loss of social support, or even violence that many LGBTQ+ people face. The underlying message is: “I hold your personal truths, and if you don’t do as I say, I’ll expose you.” This tactic creates a constant state of fear and dependency.

Intimidation goes beyond overt threats—it’s about creating an environment where the victim feels constantly unsafe. This can involve:

Gestures or actions: Using physical presence, aggressive body language, or even symbolic acts (like damaging or misusing objects tied to one’s identity, such as a pride flag).

Threats involving important connections: For instance, leveraging the abuser’s control over access to children, pets, or valuable community ties. In LGBTQ+ contexts, even subtle reminders of systemic discrimination or societal vulnerabilities can serve as tools of intimidation, ensuring the victim feels powerless to resist or leave the relationship.

Emotional abuse is often subtle but profoundly damaging. It encompasses:

Verbal degradation: Calling the partner names, questioning the “authenticity” of their identity (e.g., questioning if they’re a “real” man, woman, lesbian, etc.).

Identity attacks: Using misgendering, deadnaming (referring to someone by a former name), or reinforcing internalized homophobia/biphobia/transphobia. The goal here is to undermine the victim’s self-worth and trust in their own identity, making them more reliant on—and subservient to—the abuser. It’s very harmful because it attacks the parts of a person that make them who they are.

Isolation is a systematic attempt to cut off the victim’s access to support networks:

Limiting social contacts: Not allowing the partner to see friends, family, or engage with LGBTQ+ communities—spaces that might offer validation and safety.

Outing threats: The abuser might warn that if the victim leaves, they will be completely “cut off” from the community or even falsely claim the victim is a bad representative of the group. In the LGBTQ+ world, where affirming community connections are vital (and sometimes limited), isolation magnifies the victim’s sense of loneliness and dependence on the abuser.

This tactic involves twisting perception and shifting responsibility:

Denial: The abuser may outright deny that any abuse is occurring.

Minimization: They’ll downplay the severity of their actions, suggesting that the victim is overreacting.

Blame-shifting: The partner is made to feel as though they are responsible for the abuser’s behavior (e.g., “You provoked me,” or “It’s mutual abuse”). By invalidating the victim’s feelings and experiences, the abuser distorts reality, making it harder for the victim to acknowledge the abuse and seek help.

Children, whether biological or adopted, can become pawns in maintaining control:

Threats regarding custody or visitation: In situations where legal recognition of LGBTQ+ parenting is contested or fragile, the abuser may leverage the threat of losing access to or custody of the children.

Emotional manipulation: The abuser might use the children as leverage to guilt or manipulate the partner into staying in the relationship for the sake of the kids. This tactic takes advantage of a parent’s deep fear of hurting their close bond with their children. It traps the victim in abuse because they believe that leaving will permanently damage their kids.

This involves abusers exploiting societal advantages:

Passing privilege: An abuser may leverage their ability to “pass” as heterosexual or conform to gender norms, using this status to control how the relationship and identity are perceived both privately and publicly.

Authority over roles: By defining or dictating roles within the relationship, they can enforce an imbalance of power. This might mean undermining the partner’s self-expression or using social systems that favor conventional identities against the partner. In a society where LGBTQ+ individuals can already face systemic marginalization, the abuser’s strategic use of privilege deepens their partner’s isolation and disempowerment.

Economic abuse involves controlling the victim’s access to financial resources:

Financial control: The abuser may limit access to bank accounts, restrict spending, or sabotage education and employment opportunities.

Dependency creation: By undermining the victim’s financial independence, they force the victim to rely entirely on the abuser for their livelihood. For LGBTQ+ individuals—who might already face workplace or academic discrimination—economic abuse is particularly devastating, as it not only curtails their current independence but also their ability to seek a future free from abuse.


Each element of the wheel is interrelated — abusers often mix these tactics to create an inescapable pattern of control. The LGBTQ+ power and control wheel is a crucial framework for recognizing these behaviors, validating survivors’ experiences, and pointing toward the need for tailored support services that recognize the unique vulnerabilities and strengths within LGBTQ+ communities.

If you or someone you know in the LGBTQ+ community may be experiencing intimate partner violence, you can contact ADV at 201-336-7575 or check out the “Resources” section below to learn more about the resources available.

This graphic portrays key statistics about how intimate partner violence affects different groups within the LGBTQ+ community. It shows that while abuse happens across the board, some groups—like bisexual women and transgender/non-binary individuals—face much higher rates than others. The numbers help highlight where support and intervention are most urgently needed, showing that each segment of the community encounters unique challenges with abuse.  

Impacts of IPV on People in the LGBTQ+ Community

LGBTQ+ survivors of intimate partner violence (IPV) face distinct challenges that contribute to increased rates of mental health struggles, substance abuse, and sexual health risks. It is essential to understand the gravity of these impacts in order to create inclusive support systems that address the complex intersections of identity, trauma, and healing.

For example, identity abuse occurs when someone’s gender identity or sexual orientation is weaponized, resulting in heightened stress and trauma. This form of psychological manipulation significantly increases the risk of PTSD—especially among transgender and non-binary individuals who frequently encounter additional barriers when seeking support. Moreover, intimate partner violence (IPV) within the LGBTQ+ community is often linked to higher rates of substance abuse and sexual health risks, particularly impacting gay and bisexual men and increasing their vulnerability to HIV infection. Addressing these challenges effectively requires strategies that not only acknowledge these intersecting harms but also work actively to dismantle the systemic barriers that perpetuate them.

What Can You Do to Help?

This graphic can help you understand how to help a loved one in the LGBTQ+ community who may be experiencing domestic violence. Being a supportive ally means maintaining patience and understanding even if your friend isn’t ready to take action immediately. Your role is to empower them with information, ensure they feel safe, and help them explore their options without judgment. Sometimes, educating yourself about the specific challenges LGBTQ+ people face in abusive relationships can also strengthen your ability to help and empathize more effectively.

This graphic explains effective ways you can advocate to support LGBTQ+ victims and survivors of intimate partner violence. It outlines key items like increasing accessibility, eliminating stigma, fostering trust, and inclusive research. Being an advocate can help create a safer, more supportive environment.

Resources for the LGBTQ+ Community

ADV’s THRIVE Group offers a safe, liberated space for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual, and Pansexual (LGBTQIAP+) survivors of intimate partner violence ages 18 and up.

In this group, we cover educational topics that include:

  • The dynamics of intimate partner violence.
  • Misuse of power in relationships.
  • Adaptive safety planning.
  • Healthy boundaries.
  • Communication skills.
  • LGBTQ+ allied community resources.
  • Self-care and much more.

All participants will be asked to complete an intake assessment prior to starting group. Please contact the hotline to begin intake: (201) 336-7575.

The Office of LGBTQ+ Services aims to create an inclusive and supportive county where all LGBTQ+ residents thrive with respect and dignity while having access to essential community resources. The Office envisions building strong relationships and partnerships with organizations and allies who advocate for LGBTQ+ rights to end discrimination.

County and Statewide Resources

The LGBTQ+ community share many of the same health needs as everyone else. But it is important to take into consideration that every individual in the community has unique experiences that require unique and personalized services. Many have had negative experiences when accessing healthcare providers, making them reluctant to seek for help, so our partners provide healthcare practices focused on LGBTQ+ specific concerns free from stigma and discrimination.

Bergen New Bridge Medical Center, LGBTQ+ Health & Wellness Center
The LGBTQ+ Health & Wellness Center at Bergen New Bridge Medical Center was designed to meet LGBTQ+ needs.

Services offered:

  • Primary Care: affirming and holistic approach to overall health.
  • Gender-Affirming Hormone Therapy.
  • PrEP PeP: medication for HIV prevention.
  • Sexual Health: health screening, vaccines for infections that can be transmitted sexually, including mpox, hepatitis A and B, human papillomavirus (HPV), and meningitis.
  • Preventive Care Screenings: discuss what your preventative care needs are and they help navigate trusted referrals if needed.

www.newbridgehealth.org/lgbtq-health/
LGBTQ@newbridgehealth.org
(551) 207-0386


Buddies of NJ
Buddies of New Jersey is a nonprofit organization providing services, education, resources and care to people living with and affected by HIV/AIDS.

Services offered:

  • Medical Case Management, reducing barriers and engaging members of the community in medical care with case coordination and medical staff, offering counseling treatment, education and support as needed.
  • Substance Abuse, their comprehensive program offers care and treatment of substance abuse, relapse prevention, and facilitated peer-support.
  • Mental Health, Individual counseling and treatment services are made available with a Licensed Clinician Social Worker (LCSW), addressing a variety of mental health issues, including but not limited to addiction, aging, anger management, anxiety, depression, grief, HIV/AIDS, relationship issues and more.
  • Housing, The Robert A. Harrison House, located on the grounds of Bergen Regional Medical Center, provides an assisted living facility for six full-time residents who are HIV-positive.
  • Translation, providing Spanish translation services to assist Spanish-speakers navigating the health care system and social services.
  • HIV Testing, offering free rapid HIV testing with confidential results in under 15 minutes.

www.njbuddies.org
Info@njbuddies.org
(201) 489-2900


Valley Health System, Center for LGBTQ+ Care
Valley’s Center for LGBTQ+ Care provides comprehensive and affirming healthcare services that promote the health and the well-being of all members of the LGBTQ+ community, following sex-positive, status neutral approach, an inclusive and respectful approach to health care for everyone, regardless of HIV status or risk level.

Services offered:

  • Primary Care, designed to address general healthcare needs, including preventive screenings, management of chronic conditions, and routine check-ups.
  • Gynecologic Services, offering specialized gynecologic care designed to meet the needs of individuals who may have unique reproductive health concerns or require gender-affirming care.
  • Sexual Health, offering confidential testing, counseling, and support, encompassing a wide range of options for sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
  • HIV Testing, Prevention and Treatment, offering confidential testing and prevention services along with education and resources for HIV/AIDS, including post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP), pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) and antiretroviral therapy (ART).
  • Transgender Care, designed to support individuals on their gender-affirming transition with gender-affirming hormone therapy, surgical referrals, and legal services.
  • Behavioral Health, offering connections with appropriate behavioral health services that are tailored to the needs of the LGBTQ+ community.

www.valleyhealth.com/services/lgbtq-care
(201) 612-4735

With the complexity of LGBTQ+ identity challenges, individuals face unique challenges when accessing mental health care due to mistreatment and stigma. Half of LGBTQ+ individuals were not able to access mental health care and there is a significant association between anti-LGBTQ+ victimization and high rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide in young adults from ages 13 to 24 across the United States.

According to the 2024 U.S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People, 66% of LGBTQ+ young people reported experiencing symptoms of anxiety, more than half reported symptoms of depression, and 39% considered attempting suicide, including almost half of transgender and nonbinary and 3 in 10 cisgender individuals.

Our partners provide mental healthcare practices focused on LGBTQ+ specific concerns free from stigma and discrimination.

Equality Mental Health
Equality Mental Health is a dedicated practice that specializes in psychotherapy for the LGBTQ+ community with the support of caring and well-trained therapists, providing guidance for the emotional and psychological problems that impact the health, quality of life, and relationships of everyone. Services offered through psychotherapy:

  • Depression and anxiety.
  • ADHD/ADD.
  • HIV/AIDS.
  • Anger management.
  • Eating disorders and body image problems.
  • Work/school stress.
  • Relationship concerns.
  • Family problems and domestic violence.
  • Social skills.
  • Career/college direction.
  • Medical/sexual health.

www.equalitymentalhealth.com/
(201) 885-3522

Advocating for the LGBTQ+ community is essential in amplifying the voices of marginalized individuals. By increasing visibility, we strive to cultivate a safe and inclusive environment where everyone has equal access to resources and support programs. This advocacy is fundamental in promoting acceptance and understanding, ensuring that all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, can thrive and contribute positively to society. The following is a list of organization that advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.

Bergen County LGBTQ+ Alliance
Bergen County LGBTQ+ Alliance advocates for equality of the LGBTQ+ community, provide resources and safe spaces that allows to be our true selves, hosts and coordinated outreach programs for the LGBTQ+ community including:

  • Youth services
  • Seniors
  • Transgender
  • Women
  • Mental health support
  • Promote LGBTQ+ Businesses
  • Central Unitarian Churh

156 Forest Avenue, Paramus, NJ 07652
info@bergencountylgbtq.org
www.bergencountylgbtq.org
(201) 375-3549


LGBTQ+ Advisory Council
Offers a voice to Bergen County government through information sharing and promotion of awareness. It seeks to provide advice and support to county departments and administrators about the important issues facing the LGBTQ+ community, planning events that celebrate the diversity of Bergen County.

One Bergen County Placa, Hackensack, NJ 07601


PFLAG Paramus
Funded in 1973, PFLAG is the first and largest organization dedicated to support, educate and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and their families nationwide.

pflagparamus.org
love@pflag.org
(202) 467-8180


Straight for Equality
Straight for Equality is a PFLAG program that provides information for straight allies who want to support the LGBTQ+ community.

straightforequality.org
Let’s Talk – Straight for Equality


Garden State Equality
Garden State Equality is a non-profit organization that provides quality, innovative community programs, education, training services to providers, and pass pro-equality policies to protect and meet the needs of LGBTQ+ New Jersey residents.

1408 Main Street, Asbury Park, NJ 07712
https://www.gardenstateequality.org
hello@gardenstateequality.org
(973) 509-5428


NJ Pride Chamber of Commerce
The New Jersey Pride Chamber of Commerce advances the business interests of LGBTQ+ and allied professionals in the tri-state area. The organization promotes the economic growth and development of members. Their services offered include:

  • Certification as a LGBTQ+ business enterprise
  • Education
  • Networking
  • Corporate, government and student outreach

155 Willowbrook Blvd Suite 350, wayne, NJ 07470
www.njpridechamber.org
info@njpridechamber.org
(973) 869-9567


GLAAD
GLAAD is the world’s largest LGBTQ+ media advocacy organization that increases media accountability and community engagement, ensuring fair, accurate, and inclusive representation to achieve LGBTQ+ acceptance. The GLAAD Media Institue helps people build the core skills and techniques to effect positive cultural change and provide services such as:

  • Spokesperson Training Media Engagement
  • Consulting, working with industries, corporations, and organizations toward LGBTQ+ acceptance
  • Research, fielding studies, evaluating data and developing metrics to strengthen the mission
  • Publishes a media guide to state-by-state LGBTQ+ legislation

www.glaad.org
info@glaad.com
(212) 629-3322


References:

  1. Baume, M. (2018, July 18). Intimate partner violence is surprisingly common among gay male couples. Them. https://www.them.us/story/gay-male-intimate-partner-violence-study
  2. Black, M. C., Basile, K. C., Breiding, M. J., Smith, S. G., Walters, M. L., Merrick, M. T., Chen, J., & Stevens, M. R. (2010). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS): 2010 Summary Report. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
  3. Burk, C., & Tucker, K. (2025). Power and Control Wheel for LGBT Relationships | SafeHouse Center – Domestic Violence Services. SafeHouse Center; SafeHouseCenter.org. https://www.safehousecenter.org/power-and-control-in-lgbt-relationships/
  4. Community Safety Network. (2025). Power and Control Wheel- LGBTQ+. Community Safety Network. https://csnjh.org/en/get-help/what-is-abuse/power-and-control-wheel-lgbtq
  5. Garthe, R. C., Hidalgo, M. A., Hereth, J., Garofalo, R., Reisner, S. L., Mimiaga, M. J., & Kuhns, L. (2018). Prevalence and Risk Correlates of Intimate Partner Violence Among a Multisite Cohort of Young Transgender Women. LGBT Health, 5(6), 333–340. https://doi.org/10.1089/lgbt.2018.0034
  6. HRC Foundation. (2022). Understanding Intimate Partner Violence in the LGBTQ+ Community. Human Rights Campaign. https://www.hrc.org/resources/understanding-intimate-partner-violence-in-the-lgbtq-community
  7. Popowich, D. (n.d.). Intimate Partner Violence in LGBTQ Communities. Rainbow Health Ontario. https://www.rainbowhealthontario.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/RHO_FactSheet_LGBTQIntimatePartnerViolence_E.pdf
  8. Suarez, N. A., Mimiaga, M. J., Garofalo, R., Brown, E., Bratcher, A. M., Wimbly, T., Hidalgo, M. A., Hoehnle, S., Thai, J., Kahle, E., Sullivan, P. S., & Stephenson, R. (2018). Dyadic Reporting of Intimate Partner Violence Among Male Couples in Three U.S. Cities. American Journal of Men’s Health, 12(4), 1039–1047. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988318774243
  9. Swift, J. (2019, November 11). Bisexual women and intimate partner violence. Gender Policy Report. https://genderpolicyreport.umn.edu/bisexual-women-and-intimate-partner-violence/
  10. Trans PULSE Canada. (2019). Trans women and intimate partner violence fundamentals for service providers. Western University.

Waters, E. (2016). Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and hiv-affected intimate partner violence in 2015. New York City Anti-Violence Project.

Contact Us

Marisa Heluk

Director

Division of Alternatives to Domestic Violence

One Bergen County Plaza  • 2nd Floor • Hackensack, NJ 07601-7076
Email: ADV@bergencountynj.gov
24-hour Crisis Hotline: 201-336-7575 • Fax: 201-336-7555

Hours:
Monday – Thursday: 9:00 a.m. – 9:00 p.m.
Friday: 9:00 a.m. – 4:30 p.m.